Tuesday, June 23, 2009

Driscoll's Diagnosis

I haven't encountered much of Mark Driscoll's work, but almost everything I have heard from him has to do with male/female relations and roles. Some may say his views are quite primitive - men are the hunters who beat their chests and beat each other, while women stay in the cave and look after the children - but who is to say that that which is primitive is bad or wrong? I'm not saying I agree with Mark Driscoll's perspective on the genders, but occasionally he does make some valid points amidst the self-concious humour and stylish PowerPoint presentations.

For example:



(An aside: After the sermon, Mars Hill Church facilitate a questions and answers slot where members of the congregation text in a question which then appears on the LCD screen, and which is then answered by Dricco himself. A far cry from my home church, where we tell people to turn off their mobile phones, and where the only inner-church texting is done by discrete teenagers who "had a gr8 nite" and "will txt u l8r wi d goss ;-) xxx wb")

In this clip, Driscoll makes an uncharacteristically wild and provoking generalisation: Christian men are cowards. The question asked by a church member is should a woman take the lead and ask a man out on a date if he's stalling. Driscoll's diagnosis (which would be a great name for a television chat show) is that men are stalling because they are cowards. Not all men, however. Just the sweater-vest wearing, I-love-Jesus singing, appletini drinking Christian variety.

I am most likely a coward, according to Driscoll. Sadly enough, this is one of the things he says which I agree with. Off course not all Christian men are cowards. I'd be lying if I said I know a lot of Christian men, but out of the ones I do know there is perhaps a decent mix between courage and cowardice. It would take a whole series of blog posts to uncover reasons why Driscoll's statement might be wrong or right, but one of the upshots of this perceived cowardice is the following: Christian women become interested in un-Christian men. Why? Because un-Christian men are unafriad to pursue. They just go in with all guns a-blazin', and this is clearly something most women appreciate.

I've often (well, sometimes) wondered about why this happens, and in my various wonderings the assumption has always -- always -- been the following: there must be something wrong with Christian women. Well, I think the penny has finally dropped. There must be something wrong with me and other Christian men like me. Driscoll's diagnosis does it again.

Over the years I've had a disconcerting number of conversations with Christian women that have included something like this:

Christian woman: There are just no Christian guys in this city.

Dec (in his head): Um, hello? Do I not count? What is wrong with you people!?

I have felt like the invisible Christian man whom Christian women literally pass through in order to go somewhere else. In my mind the problem was of course anything but me: "They're obviously misguided; they're obviously not looking for the right things". Little did I realise the problem is actually that they are looking for the right things. If I'm invisible it's because I've made myself invisible.

Now of course my goal is not to have women swooning over me, nor do I expect conversations centred on how elligible a Christian man I am (though that would be nice every once in a while.) Becoming courageous in relationships and life in general is not about ego or reputation. We are not shaped into the "right thing" for our own sakes, but always for the sake of others. The first step in this shaping -- a step I've had to take over and over again -- is to recognise and repent of our falling short. Mark Driscoll is right - I am a coward. I am also arrogant, self-centred, and petty. Would you like to go on a date some time?

One of the things I've been honing in on over the last while is the human instinct to justify oneself. We have to find a way for us to be right in and of ourselves. This is where Christianity goes against the grain of the human condition - we cannot justify ourselves; ultimately, we are justified because of the actions of Another.

I didn't intend for this post to get all introspective and self-revelatory. I promise, it won't happen again. I guess Mark Driscoll's blunt words touched on a subject I've been grappling with for the past while - me and what a prideful, cowardly jerk I am!

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