Tuesday, August 10, 2010

With A Twist


I liken Hollister to that girl (or "Betty" as the kids are saying these days) who is attractive and knows it. She is super cool, super trendy, and knows she could have any guy she wants. Everything she does annoys you. Everything she stands for goes against all of your principles and values. Whenever you see her, you get all worked up and you tell yourself that she's not even that attractive to begin with.

And yet, and yet, you would give anything to be the guy she strings along. You would hate yourself just to be seen with her. You'd convince yourself that you're making a statement, or that you're teaching her a lesson, but really you're just an amateur in the game she excels in; a pawn to her chess master.

I had my third Hollister experience yesterday, but this one came with a twist. I went there with a guy who had previously told me that whenever he goes into a Hollister store he gets a job offer. I laughed it off, assuming he was exaggerating.

Sure enough, as we went to pay for his stuff, one of the models staff asked him if he worked in Hollister. When he said that he didn't, a job offer quickly followed. This is when we began to have some fun.

My friend said he had an associates degree, so he wondered if he could go straight for a managerial position. I told the girl not to trust his olive skin and stylish hair; beneath the outward beauty he's dead inside. I also told her that I'm Irish, and if they just have me standing in the doorway speaking with an Irish accent I could increase sales by at least 30%.

Then she actually offered me a job! She said I could work there for the summer. I told her that she was just making me a "sympathy offer" - you know, we don't want the ugly friend to feel bad.

Meanwhile, my olive skinned compadre was haggling for a discount, making promises of attending a job interview that he would never keep. His empty words actually worked, because they gave him 20% off of his purchase [!]. I had actually already bought my stuff, but I was tempted to return it and then just get Mr 20% to buy it for me. I wonder how that would have went down...?

Say what you like about Hollister, but they're doing everything within their power to get us out of this recession, and I for one salute them.

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