- Should I do a new pose or stick to the classic?
- Just go with the flow.
- What flow?
- Fine. Go with the classic. They love that one. Whatever you do, just make sure you look natural, at ease, in total control. You could even try talking to the woman at the starting block before the race begins.
- Really? Wouldn't that come across as a bit sleazy, or at least unprofessional? And what would I even say to her?
- I dunno. Just make it look like you're chatting her up. No one will hear what you say, so as long as you speak with a cheeky grin on your face the crowd will make up their own version of the conversation and you'll be a legend. I guarantee it. The men will wish they were you. The women will wish they were her.
- I could ask her is she enjoys her job...
- No! Too boring. You'll ruin the illusion with that sort of talk. Tell her you'll see her after the race, and that you'll be the one holding the gold medal. Yes, that'll do nicely.
- But I don't want to see her after the race.
- Don't worry about it. You won't have to see her. I've got your post-race plans all mapped out.
- Aw man. Do I have to?
- What do you mean "Do I have to?"!? This is all part of who you are. Once you've won the race, I think a few press-ups might be a nice touch. Now, can you do one-armed press-ups? Actually, no, strike that. We don't want this looking like the paralympics. A few orthodox press-ups will suffice.
- I'm not sure about this...
- Trust me. After the press-ups there'll be some staged photos. I've inquired about you showing the world who impressive you look fully naked, but that will have to wait. The usual pointing and flexing will have to do for now. After the media have their shots, however, I want you to take one of their cameras!
- Well, I do quite like photography. Maybe I can take some nice shots of the other runners.
- That's not exactly what I had in mind. I've arranged for a swimsuit model to be in the front row seats of the stadium. Your job is to find her, take her down to the track and start doing a photoshoot with her. I've asked the authorities if she can be semi-naked at the time, but apparently that can't happen.
- Semi-naked!? You do realise I've never seen a naked woman before?
- Relax. She'll have some clothes on. All you have to do is snap a few pictures with a confident, "I'll see you later" look on your face. Let the people create their own story about who she is, what you have and haven't seen, and what will happen later.
- So...what is going to happen later? I'm kinda tired and looking for an early night tonight.
- Yeah, that's not gonna happen. You remember the Swedish volleyball team that we bumped into yesterday?
- I do. A very pleasant group of young women I have to say. In fact -- and I know this sounds silly -- I had a little crush on the captain. We talked for a few minutes and she seemed really interesting and funny. I was actually thinking about contacting her before the Games are over. You know, see if she wants to go for a coffee or something. What do you think?
- Really? Well you can put this childish thoughts to one side for now, because I have something far better lined up. No thanks required, but you're going to be spending the night with not one, not two, but three of those volleyball babes! We did ask the captain to be one of those three, but unfortunatelyshe declined. Still, three Swedish bombshells in your room. The press will report it, the public will love it.
- But...wait...what? You're telling me I have to have a foursome!? No...just, no. That's not me. And I can't believe you asked the captain to join in. What must she think of me now. Oh god.
- Calm down, okay? You're overreacting. I'm sure she was flattered. Any woman would be. And if she wasn't then that's her problem. And of course you don't have to, you know, do anything. Just make sure you're seen entering the room with the girls. Imagination will do the rest.
- Can we play Settlers of Catan once we're inside and away from the cameras?
- I'm not sure they know that game.
- I could teach it to them.
- Sure. Whatever you want.
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