Wednesday, July 23, 2008

Kelly Snubs F365


Let's play a game. I'm going to tell you something about myself, and you have to decide if it makes me weird or not. OK, here we go.

I go to the same football website - www.football365.com - EVERY DAY, even though there are no football games being played at the moment, nor will there be any games of note happening until about 3 weeks from now. Go on, you think I'm weird, don't you? Just say it.

But aside from thinking less of me, you may also be wondering why? Why would anyone go to the same football website EVERY DAY (and several times a day at that) when there is apparently nothing happening in the world of football? THAT...would be a very valid question. The answer is not so valid I'm afraid.

I do it because I want to see which players are moving where. More accurately, I do it because I want to see which players are 'reportedly' moving where. You see most of the stuff I read isn't actually true at all, or never comes to fruition.

For example, at the moment there is talk of Riki Kaka moving from AC Milan to Chelsea for an astronomical sum of money. Now this of course will most likely never happen (largely due to the fact that its probably all lies, but if by chance it isn't it, I just can't see Kaka leaving Milan for a club so seedy and unholy as Chelsea), but that doesn't stop me from reading all about it, and worse, getting excited about it.

The question you might be asking, and the question which I probably need to ask myself, is why this information excites me? Even if Kaka really is moving to Chelsea for gillions of pounds, what difference does that make to my life now? I mean do I really need to constantly keep myself updated on these goings on? Can't I just wait until the season actually starts? At least then when Chelsea walk out onto the field I can be like 'Oh cool. There's Kaka. What a pleasant surprise'. Or when Man United walk out onto the field I can say 'Oh look. Ronaldo is still there. What a plonker'.

As David Mitchell wrote concerning this confusing infatuation with football transfers, "Are other sports so hated and inadequate that their actual matches are considered less interesting than football's behind-the-scenes admin?"

That's it in a nutshell really - I'm basically using up large chunks of my time to keep track of employee's contracts. Sounds a bit silly when you think of it like that, doesn't it?

Now don't get me wrong, I love football...clearly. I love playing it, and I love watching it. (Not all of it mind. I watch Champions League, Arsenal matches, and any 'Big Four' clash.) I even love writing about it, so don't be surprised if the topic of football appears again someday.

However, there comes a time when you have to draw a line in the sand. A time when you have to decide what is sane, and what is insane; what is rational, and what is irrational; what is good for you, and what is destroying your life, one grossly misleading transfer gossip column at a time.

That time is now my friends. As Mitchell asked, 'what's next? Reports on clubs' heating bills?' The madness must end. Football365 must no longer be my most frequented site. Not now. Not in the middle of summer.

I think when God talked about broken cisterns in Jeremiah, He had transfer gossip columns at the forefront of His mind...or at least the Hebrew equivalent anyway. (I'll let your mind wander as to what that might have been. Maybe rumours about who's going to replace Moses as head of the Israelites - "The Hebrew Times has just learned that the Israelites have made a late swoop for young Jewish sensation Joshua, who they see as the ideal replacement for long time servant Moses. Joshua, who had previously snubbed a lucrative offer from arch rivals The Amalakites because of their unwillingness to break their rigid wage structure to secure his services, is set to put sharp object to stone tablet in the coming days. Once some minor details like how many camels and wives he receives as a sign-on bonus are sorted out, then the deal will go through.")

But never fear. Change is afoot. From now on, I shall be drawing my water from the fountain of living waters, the fountain that never stops flowing, the fountain that is always there when you need it. And that fountain is Facebook. I mean I have the Daily Bible Verse application on my profile page, and access to instant message conversations with powerful men of God such as Luke Johnson, Jurgen Karwig and Keith Adams at my finger tips. What more spiritual food does a man need?

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